Toxic Relationships

It’s scary to put your all into something just to have to let it all go. We invest so much of ourselves into relationships that we forget that we are important too. We completely devote ourselves to the other person and we forget to take care of ourselves. So what happens when the person you are giving everything to is giving you absolutely nothing in return? I’m not sure what brings us to the point where enough is enough. For some it only takes one minor mistake and for others it’s a million of “I’m sorry” and “I wont do it again”. I witnessed so many toxic relationships growing up and I always used to say that I would never allow a man to disrespect me or forget my worth. I didn’t understand how someone could sit there and put up with anything that didn’t make them happy. I wouldn’t ever settle for that. Well, that was easy for me to say when I had never been put in the situation where I had to choose between staying or leaving. Then, I got married. I had just turned 18 when I met my husband. I didn’t have anything figured out and this was my first “real” relationship so obviously I was head over heels. Like almost every new relationship, everything was perfect. I could see no flaws so I married the guy. Things went down hill pretty quickly. I knew that eventually we would have issues to work through but what I didn’t know was that he wasn’t going to put absolutely any effort in. The arguments became a daily occurrence. No matter what I said or did, he simply did not care to change or simply acknowledge my feelings. To him, my feelings were nothing. Eventually, my feelings became nothing to me too. I started to believe that maybe he was right, I was being dramatic and my feelings made no sense. I told myself things like “at least he doesn’t cheat on me” or “ he could be hitting me” in order to convince myself that I was the one that was wrong. I never told a single soul about the issues we were having because I knew that someone would muster up the courage to tell me I should leave or that I deserved better. I didn’t want to hear that because I had invested years into this relationship. I wanted it to work so badly that I was willing to ignore my feelings and pretend everything was okay. I put pictures with paragraphs on social media so that everyone could see how happy we were. People would say “goals” or “you guys are perfect”, anything along those lines and I so badly wanted people to know that I was dying inside. I stopped caring about everything. My self-worth was nonexistent to me. My thought was that if I was worth anything at all, he would’ve put effort in and since he didn’t then I was obviously worth nothing. I spent days, weeks, and even months crying about the same old issues. I was destroyed mentally and it began to take a toll on my physical health. I lost my passion for living. I didn’t want to try anything anymore because I felt like a failure. What would my family and friends think if they found out I was failing at marriage? So many people looked up to me and were so proud of me. I couldn’t let them down. The truth is, I wasn’t failing. I had given everything I had and that will never be enough for someone who isn’t giving anything in return. At some point you have to stop blaming yourself and realize that all you can do is give your best. If it isn’t working out then it isn’t working out and THAT’S OKAY! That is not a reflection of your character and it doesn’t make you any less of a person to say you’ve had enough. Letting go is the hard part but what do you get from staying in a relationship that is only bringing you sorrow? If it is not helping you grow, then it needs to go. If it is affecting your mental health in a negative way, then it needs to go. If you have to pretend everything is okay, then it needs to go! Let it go and learn from it. Use it to realize what you deserve and to remember what you will NOT put up with. No one is worth your peace of mind. You are worth so much more than that.

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